My Substitute FanFiction Page Because FF.Net Is Complicated.

I have a penguin in my head. Your argument is invalid.

Behind An Angels Suicide: LenRui
Behind An Angels Suicide: LenRui
"Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.
Got my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city.
Before I leave, I brush my teeth with a bottle of jack.
Because when I leave for the night, I ain't common' back…"
The radio turned off.
"What kind of shit music do you listen to?"
Rui sat up, looking to the demon who was chuckling at the doorway of her room. With his back planted to the door, and his legs crossed, Len was attempting to make a cool pose. "I thought you didn't like Ke–Dollar sign–Sha." He smirked at her. Rui snickered quietly, and rolled her shoulders, before shrugging. 
"I always listen to her when I'm upset." She told him, twiddling her fingers. "… Her voice makes me laugh." 
Len paused for a moment, then walked over to the young angel's bed, taking her hand in his. He looked down at the tattoo's on the "fish belly" part of their arms. Both the same type of tattoo, it was a long skinny black cross with a snake wrapped around it. "You are… upset?" He looked up to her, almost finding himself lost in those golden sun colored eyes. "What's wrong?"
Rui shrugged. "I was just… thinking back…. to my last memory, before I died." She sighed, hiding a shudder. Len moved his hand to her back, rubbing up and down. She had told him before that she had died a horribly scary death, and remembered her saying something about scarring the eyes of her younger siblings. But now that he thought about it, even after how much time they had spent together, he didn't know specifically how she died. 
"Rui.. if I may ask…"
She stopped him. "You want to know how I died." Len stared in shock, then nodded slowly, wondering if she was okay with it. As if to read his mind, she answered to his nod "Mm.. Yeah, okay. I'll tell you."
A deep breath. 
"I was seventeen. My brother Ren and my sister Lin were seven. Mom and Dad were out on spring vacation, and we were left home alone for a week. Our family was particularly… rich, so our house was big, and filled with things to occupy us, so we didn't mind it." She bit her lip, before continuing. "Well, one night, while I was watching Tv… I heard a crash downstairs. So I ran down to where I heard the noise, and… I saw men. All of them, dressed in all black. And two of them were holding my siblings, with knives to their necks. Before I could even do anything, one of them–whom I assumed was the leader–, pointed a gun at Rens head. He told me that if I made another move, he'd kill them both. So I didn't move. I stayed quiet."
Len couldn't imagine the horrified expression those poor children had on at that moment.
"It didn't take much thinking to realize this was a burglary. They even admitted that it was. And since… I was the oldest.. .they thought I would know where all the expensive and valuable items were." She gulped, as if to swallow down her tears. "So they told me I had three minutes to gather them all. And if I didn't…" She didn't need to finish the sentence. Len could finish it in his head. 
'They would kill her siblings…'  
"So I ran through the house, two men following me so I wouldn't try to call for someone, trying to gather as much valuable looking items I could find. And I piled them up… the pile grew bigger and bigger, and even after three minutes, they weren't satisfied. And… t-the one holding Ren… h-he slapped him. He said… it wasn't enough. So he took a gun out. He told me that 'punishment was to be made for' my 'bad cooperations.'"  
Rui took another deep breath, making Len only able to tell this was hard for her to say, let alone remember and recall it all. It was like re-experiencing the same nightmare over and over. 
"He began threatening to kill Ren and Lin. They were… crying and screaming and struggling to escape. I panicked.. I mean, they were only seven at the time, why wouldn't they? So… I offered.. myself." 
Len's eyes widened, pupils shrinking.
"I told them that my parents would pay them lots of money, if they found out I had been captured, or if my body was hidden somewhere… that they would pay millions to find me. I knew they would… the.. the guys seemed to like this idea. I thought they would just kidnap me, until my parents paid them… that's what I had in plan. But… they thought of something else. One guy… big and buff… he shoved a gun into my hands. He told me to… shoot myself… to… commit suicide. He said if I tried… shooting one of them… he'd kill my sister and brother." 
She rubbed her eyes.
"So I looked at Lin and Ren… I told them… that they had to be brave for me. And they were crying, begging me not to…" But she had to, didn't she? "…But I did. I told them I loved them, that I was doing this for their safety… and I… killed myself."
An eery silence took over the room for a minute or so.
Len reached his hand up, brushed a few strands of her short black hair away from her temple. Hidden beneath them, was a scar, obviously left behind by a bullet. Though dead, the scar would always exist… He looked towards her eyes, which to his dismay, were hidden under her hands. Covering her face, she was obviously trying to not cry, or at least not show it.
"Hey. Are you okay…? Do you need… a…" God, he couldn't believe ehe was about to say this… "…hug?" No answer. "..Seriously, Rui, do you need any comfort?" Nothing.
Rui didn't face him. She couldn't. She had too much pride in herself. She spent years working up a wall, to keep away anyone who tried to enter, someone who might see the pain she tried so hard to hide. But then there was Len, the last person she should ever be hanging around, a demon, and here he was trying to comfort her.
Still, she did not look up to him. A little irritated, Len grabbed both of the girls wrists–harsher than he should have–, and yanked them away from her face. Rui immediately turned her face to the wall. Len growled. He tried to turn her towards him, yet when that didn't work, he went to his last resort. Len grabbed her chin and forced her to look his way, those golden orbs staring up to him, tears spilling, having not fallen in the longest time. 
Len's gaze softened at the sight of her crying. He wanted to be there for the girl, to be able to help her through issues they faced together.  "Dammit, Rui…" He shut his eyes, eyebrows furrowing. But it was wrong. She was an angel, and he was a demon. This all together was wrong. "Stop… stop making me… Stop making me want you!" He grabbed her shoulders and forced her towards him, crushing his lips against hers, hard enough to bruise. Giving her a taste of hells fire, and taking in the taste of heavens stardust… it pained him. To want her, but to to be hurt by simply touching her. He could only imagine how she felt about this… how she felt about… him. Len released from the kiss and stared down at her, hiding a trembling lip. Oh god. Oh shit. Oh fucking damn. What did he just do? Fuck, he kissed an angel, he kissed /Rui/! Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. What was she thinking? Damn, she probably hated…
Rui grabbed his blood red tie, and yanked on it, bringing him down to her, only copying his precious exact moments, pressing her lips to his, leaving him confused, and unsure what to respond. "Len…" She pulled away and looked up at him with determined eyes. "What would you want me to do if you kissed me…?" 
No hesitation. "To kiss back."
"Then kiss back, Len." She told him, as if to command him. "Kiss. Back."
So many thoughts could be going on through the mind of the blonde at the moment she said that. He could be wondering why she wanted him to kiss her, he could be pondering if they should be doing this, risking getting Rui damned, or he could be thinking about the consequences. 
But he wasn't. 
The only thing on his mind was her.
Slowly, he wrapped her arms around her waist, listing her onto his lap. His eyes never left hers. 
Len leaned down, and pressed his lips against hers, feeling like a spark ignited at the small touch. Rui responded, biting down on his lower lip gently, teasing him. At that moment, Len found himself in a competitive mood. He didn't appreciate Rui being the better, more confident kisser. He was the man in this, thus he'd be the better one (He was a bit of a sexist). Fingers slowly curling around her shirt, he slipped his tongue into her mouth, having Rui let him enter pretty easily. Secretly, he found that suspicious. 
At the taste of Lens tongue infiltrating her mouth, Rui couldn't help but squeak out a cute moan, which only made Len feel triumphant to her. He pulled away and smirked down at her. "Oooh?" He pinched her cheeks. "So you liiiiiked that?"
"Shut up, Len." 
He laughed, ruffling her hair. "Aw, how cute."
Rui kneed him in the crotch, making Len let out a yelp. "Okayokayokaygodokay!" Rui smirked and removed her knee from his southern regions, giving him her standard cocky grin. Despite the pain he was in, Len smiled back at her, glad he got his feisty angel back. /His/ feisty angel.. Were they even together? They /did/ just practically make out.
As if to read his mind, the raven haired female smiled to him and stood up. "Who knew.." She said quietly. "…An angel and a demon…" She let out a tiny laugh. "Huh… I'm okay with this." Though she knew she was going to pay deeply for it. But until then, until the angels found out.. she'd enjoy it while she still could. 

AN: A story I wrote for my friend, Kae, based off this dinky RP we made. So there's a backstory to all of this, that probably only we would understand.

(no subject)
"I love you, Grace."
"I love you…"   
I remember our first walk down the beach. When we held hands, when we entwined a gaze, when we had our first kiss. The sun had just set, and the ocean had burst into a million colors. Our lips touched, and electricity shot through my veins. It was the "perfect moment". The moment you said you had always wanted. Our first and last paradise dream.
"I love you…"
I use to believe that I would never be able to say those words. That there was no point in it. That they were meaningless. It is only now that I realize, that those were the most important words I would ever hear. I can only ever imagine you saying to to him, in that beautiful and sinless voice of yours. 
Hey, Grace? Do YOU remember? Do you remember that night? I had drove you to Dallas, Texas. You said it was your favorite place in the world. I had asked why, and you gave me the most wonderful response. "Because it's where we met, silly!" It was that day, that you gave me hope, you gave me love. Do you remember it all? I do. We rented a hotel, and made our first silhouette.
But that's where it ended. We didn't know that when we drove away, we wouldn't arrive home.
"Hey, Grace?"
A light that I hadn't seen.
"I just wanted to say…"
A driver out ran a red light and slammed into us.
"…That no matter what…"
You looked so broken.
"…You'll be my angel now, okay?"
A stream of tears fell from our face, as we realized that our red string had been cut. Our fate together was to be broken. Though we both injured, one would survive, one would leave the other. Did you know that, Grace? Did you know that we would be separated? I can only hope that you didn't, that you didn't know what was really happening… but I'm sure you did.
"I love you…"
I remember saying those words to you, in a moment of pain. I remember that frail and weak smile you gave me. You had opened your mouth slowly, and I could tell you were trying to say you loved me back. The words, The sentence, it couldn't even escape those pure pink lips of yours. "Love..." was all you could make out. "Love..." was all I needed to hear. Even in a moment of crisis, in a moment of cruelty and death, I'm glad I made you smile, even if it was the last smile you ever had. Even when the light faded from those pretty brown eyes, even when your body gave up and went a dark limp... You died with a smile. My smile. 
"I love you, Grace."
"I love you…"

Travelling Through The Mind

As I sat there in English Class, Room 345, I heard Mrs. Kawaja ask her students "Where is your favorite place that you have travelled?" Many hands flew to the ceiling, and I was the only one who sat there, silent as the moon. She chose each hand one at a time, listening to the answers my fellow students came up with, and their reasoning on why it was their favorite.

"New York!" A squeaky female voice called out.

"Canada!" Said a ruff and husky male.

"Europe~!" Sang that bitch in the corner.

My eyes scroll around the room, watching as they spoke. Eventually, they close, and I find myself drifting...

There is a house.

There is a house, with a roof that I could not see. It seemed so...never ending. I walked upon the sidewalk, that was painted with familiar memories and chalked on with familiar pictures, giving me a sense of nostalgia. When I reach the door, I noticed it's handle had my name, Katy Stein, engraved into it. 'Peculiar...' I thought to myself, turning the golden handle and entering the house. It didnt occur to me that I shouldnt be entering it. It didnt occur to me that other people might live here, or that I might be unwanted. However, my name was on that handle, and my memories were on that sidewalk, so I must intrude.

I shift myself through all the rooms on the first floor, but there was no one, nor anything, that interested me, so I moved on to the stairs, running up them to the second floor to see what--if anything--would seem intreging.

There is a girl.


There is an infant. A baby girl. She stared at me. Her body is ghost like and see through, as if she were not real.

And then she speaks.

"Hello." A smile finds itself upon her face. "I am You." I stare at her, not shocked that she could speak, nor confused by her statement. Merely craving for her to finish it.

I gave a slight nod as a response. "What is this place...?" I ask, looking up at the roof that I could not see. I merely saw a seemingly endless amount of stairs.

The baby Me speaks. "This is your mind. This house holds your memories." Memories? She continues. "On each floor of your Mind, you will see and meet a new You, an older You." 

I nodded. "So, if you are Me, what do you represent?" I ask. She seemed amused, or rather, impressed by my question. This was my mind, wasnt it? So shouldnt I know what I would like to ask it?

"I am the baby You." Duh. "I represent your first set of memories. What you first remember is your parents ugly divorce." Ah, yes. I can still remember it. My parents left each other before I turned the age of one. It's complicated, really. Mother smoked and got addicted to drugs. She stole and went to jail many times. Father got abusive to her, yelling that she had shamed our family. I first questioned how I remembered this, but I fugred since I was travelling into my mind, I could see anything I have seen, hear anything I have heard, and remember anything I had once known.

"I see..." Mumbled I. I turned my back, leaving the baby me there, so I could walk up the next flight of stairs. Each time I did, I would meet a new me, an older me, who would tell me stories of my memories that I had once forgotten. Some of them had only one memory, like baby Me. Others, had wild stories, hundreds of memories to tell me, things they experienced in that one year of my age. 

As I passed to the next flight of stairs, going to the next floor. There, I met... Me? Not a younger me, or older me, but a present day Me! When I asked her of her purpose, she told me memories that she new of. Some of them, I could clearly and vividly remember. Others, vaguely. But then she stopped. I looked at her confused.

"Why did you stop?" I ask. "You didnt get to December yet! Therefore, you havent finished all the memories!" She giggled. Did I REALLY giggle like that? How... obnoxious.

"I stopped, because I am You. the real, present day you. The You of the now. /YOU/..." She pointed to me, referring to not herself, a ghostly memory, but the real me. "... havent finished this year, therefore, I cant tell you anymore." She had stopped at me, dozing off in English class.   It all made sense now! Why the house never seemed to end... Because it didnt! If I go up any more stairs, they would just continue, and I would never meet the end of them, nor see a new floor. Because I had just reviewed, and heard of, all my memories, stories, and adventures.

I look up at the ceiling, which again, I could not see. "Long way to go, eh...." I whisper to myself. I was only a teen, not even halfway to the end of my life--or so I dearly hoped--. It would take awhile before I got to the roof.


The house faded to black.


I open my eyes, and Im back in the classroom. Mrs. Kawaja is looking at me. "I asked you what your favorite adventure was." I paused.

"...My journey through my mind."

The class looked confused.

The teacher smiled.

A Crappy Tadase x Ikuto That I Wrote And Do Not Like.

How the hell did this happen? How is it that I, Ikuto Tsukiyomi, was taking a long stroll around the neighborhood, with Tadase Hotori? THE Tadase! The very BOY that I once despised? Oh. That's right.

Amu did it.

She had called me earlier this morning, asking if we could talk. I could tell by her tone that she was serious. I'll be honest, I was kind of hoping she was going to admit her secret crush on me. Hey. I can dream can't I?

None the less, I took Yoru–much to his annoyance– and ran to her house. She just so happened to have called out little blonde over as well. I couldn't help but smirk when he stuck his tongue at me, like the little child he was.

What was it that Amu said again? Oh. Right. "Today, we are all going on a date!" All three of us? "All three of us!" All three of us. Shit. I'm pert sure I heard Tadase groan at that. That blonde little snot….

Of course, sometime in the middle of our so called date, one of her friends–pumpkin hair, pigtails, abnormally short with an obnoxious voice–had told Amu that there was a huge sale going on at the mall, and dragged Amu away. Yoru and Kiseki went along as well, leaving the two of us. I was about to walk away, but Tadase said something that stopped me.

"Please don't leave me!" 

I gave him an odd look, suspicious of his next motive. Why? Why should I stay? Something about the way he was looking at me told me to. His big blue eyes looked… longing, perhaps.


And that's how it happened. That's how at this very moment, I was walking along side Tadase, the very boy I used to despise. He hadn't talked much since that moment. A little small chit chat, nothing more.

I decided to change that.

"Tadase, speak up. Explain why you wanted me to walk with you." He looked up at me innocently, then smiled an annoyingly cute smile. 

"Because Ikuto, I wanted to make up with you." What? I looked at him like he was deranged. He noticed how weird his sentence sounded, then added to it. "A-ah! I mean't…. Become…. Friends again…" How strange.


He bit his lip. I noticed he was… blushing, maybe? "Well… Because everything is over. The fighting, Easter, just… everything! We should get back to be friends, right?" He looked up at me, as if to plead me to agree. Admittedly, I did miss the times when we were kids. When I played violin for Utau and Tadase, when we chased each other… But could it really be that easy? To just forgive? I stared at him silently. For a second, I thought I saw a loss of hope in his eyes. 

I rolled mine.

"I guess…I could… give it a shot…" I muttered quietly. He glowed. "R-really?!" I stumbled back once he gave me a tight hug with his noodle arms. Ngh. Somehow, I knew I would regret this one day.


He looked up at me confused. "W-what…?" 

I smirked. "It's kind of cute, y'know…? How you just /pleaded/ me to be your friend. You're such a child." His mouth gaped. He looked like he just found out Santa Claus wasn't real (…Shit. Please tell me little children didn't just read that).  "I-I am not!" He said, obviously noticing that stuttering only helped my case. 

I continued to tease him. "… MEN just talk to me, casually build up a friendship. You get all flustered. My my, Tadase, do you have a /crush/ on me?" I'd swear he was blushing so hard, steam was about to come out of his ears.

"N-no! No! No! Ew!" 

Did… Did he just say ew? Did he just fucking say EW? I scowled and thumped his forehead multiple times. "What's so EW about that?!?!" I cursed at myself once I raged at him. Because now he was smirking at me.  

"Ewww…. You're too /old/." He said snidely to me. Old?! I-I'm not old! "You're like my dad's age!" Obviously exaggerating, but I got his point. I growled. "Oh really?!" 

He nodded. "Daddy~" He was calling me Daddy. Hell it. I knew I would regret this. 

"Well, Daddy thinks you should be punished for your back talk!" I didn't know why I just said that, but suddenly Im turning him around, and slapping him hard on his ass. A spank. I spanked him.

Tadase cried out. "I-Ikuto…!" Oh? So he didn't like that? Well then. I spanked him again and again and again. At this point, he was crying. Crying out loud, and pleading for me to stop. The crying got to me, sadly. I sighed, taking a step back. "Fine…" I mutter. Tadase sniffled at me.  He whimpered and reached his arms out to me. Oh. Oh no way. He wanted to fucking cuddle me. Ngh.

I sighed and sat down on the bench, tapping my lap. "Get on…" I groan. He does so, hugging me, and adjusting himself on my lap so he wouldn't be uncomfortable. Tadase buried his head into my neck. A weak 'I'm sorry…' came from his lips. I patted his soft hair, like he was a chihuahua dog.

"Grow up…" 

We smiled.

HNNNG-You People.
I cant express in words how much I hate being a freshman.

People keep picking me up, ticking me, petting and stroking me.... STOP IT. I'M NOT A CAT. D8

I asked my friend Mitzi why, and she said and I quote, "...Because you're small, blonde, and cute."

Even the seniors do it. Just yesterday, my senior friend (Whom we shall name Pickle), picked me up bridal style, and started swinging me around. Le sigh. I kicked and squirmed as many times as possible, but he wouldnt let me go. ; m;.

Writer's Block: Freewill vs. fate
Considering there are such things as people who do not love others significantly, I think it's a choice. I dont believe in destiny and/or fate, nor love at first sight. You can say they look handsome or beautiful, but thats not love. That's mere attraction. I believe love is built up and created by the confrontation of the other. To actually meet, chat, and know them.

Writer's Block: International Skeptics Day
The religion Christianity and all it's branches. Personally, I'm atheist. Not to say I'm going to bitch at anyone who begs to differ on their beliefs, I respect everyone. But I just cant bring myself to believe in God.

Writer's Block: International Skeptics Day
The religion Christianity and all it's branches. Personally, I'm atheist. Not to say I'm going to bitch at anyone who begs to differ on their beliefs, I respect everyone. But I just cant bring myself to believe in God.

I Have An Irrational Fear Of Balloons.


So today in Algebra, we were doing an experiement, involving balloons. As you might have guessed, I started to get anxious, my heart pounded against my chest, as if to rip it open at any moment. I walked to Mr. Holman, the teacher, asking and pleading if I could leave the room for the experiment. He asked me what was wrong, and I simply replied "I'm afraid of balloons." He have me the strangest look, as if to question my mental statability. He told me that everything would be fine. Oh how I wished I could take his word, I begged for him to be correct. But of course...
He was not.
Only minutes after the experiment had begun, paranoia had slowly consumed me from inside out, leaving nothing but the carcus of a scared teenager. I pleaded him once again, if I could leave the room. He didn't seemed annoyed by my constant question, but persistent to keep me locked in the classroom, as if I'd actually learn something from this experiment. Yes, My. Holman. I did learn something. Three years ago, when I did the same experiment in my science class.
"Please, Mr. Holman! I'm getting really paranoid, I feel like I can't breathe.."
"Katy, everything will be alright. You aren't going to die. These balloons can't harm you in anyway. Just take a few deep breathes and calm yourself." He gave me a generally caring smile, as if that one facial expression would be enough to regain my strength to be at peace. It didn't really work, but so I didn't irriate him, I simply walked back to my seat, watching my group sa they continud to inhale helium, just for the hell of their "I-sound-like-I'm-high" voices.
I respected Mr. Holman. He really isn't that bad of a teacher. Actually, he is quite good at his job. I dont think any math teacher has been able to make me understand things so quickly. So I decided to try to trust him. I told myself peaceful and calming words. And it seemed at the moment I was the slightest bit remotely calm....
A loud noise erupted through the room, forever echoing in my ear drum. A balloon had popped. Mr. Holman was wrong! I knew something would happen! Some had gasped, others had laughed... I had screamed and curled up in the corner of the room, shaking and shivering. No one seemed to notice.
It was only minutes later that another balloon had popped. At this point, I was on a level red state of panic. Vision was blurring. Heart was thrusting. Body was tense. I was seeing colors flash all over the place. Why did I feel so cold...? Why was I feeling numb in my fingers?
Ngh. I felt faint.
The bell rang. End of class. Phew.
I forced myself to my feet and shakily walked over to the desk that held up my binder. I sent Mr. Holman a "look". He laughed nervously and apologized. I gave a standard "You-better-be-sorry" nod, and left.

Duct Tape.
Duct tape.

You can do wonders with this magical object. You can make wallets, tape roses, pens.... and if needed, you can make silence. You know the famous quote, "Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver."

Quick point: Duct tape comes in a variety of colors, oh smart one.

I have made many birthday gifts out of duct tape and string. Every one of them was loved and earned me a big hug.

Duct tape is the solution.


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